


here we could stay, it feels nice to get away (from all the pain)

by evelinafelicia



Series: chaos and lifelong wishes [1]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: 3x09 spoilers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, hints of snowbarry and westallen, in which barry and felicity are besties, plus olicity obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-06 09:32:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3129656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evelinafelicia/pseuds/evelinafelicia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was never part of her plan to call him. In fact, she had promised herself she would not, under any circumstances call him or anyone else for that matter. She could deal with it herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	here we could stay, it feels nice to get away (from all the pain)

**Author's Note:**

> So I started writing this a a few weeks ago when I, thanks to Soph, basically had a meltdown because I just love these two so goddamn much. I just needed more of them in my life, so I wrote this.
> 
> It’s been way over a year since I finished anything, let alone published it (this one’s a miracle, really), so… please be kind? Plus, I’ve never written for Arrow/Flash before so this might feel a tiny bit ooc. 
> 
> Comments/Kudos are much appreciated!
> 
> Oh and I do not own any of these character or their show. Obviously. 
> 
> Enjoy!

It was never part of her plan to call him. In fact, she had promised herself she would not, under any circumstances call him or anyone else, for that matter. Felicity, of course, would tell him, eventually, but when she was composed, all her feelings and all the false hope bottled up deep beneath the surface. This part, however, she could handle herself.

Until she couldn't. 

￼So she called him and he picked up.

It took him about a second for him to realize that something was wrong and, what seemed like, half that for him to get to her. Before she had the chance to even process it, there was a swift knock on her door and moments later his arms are wrapped around her, tight and secure. That was all it took for the dam to break. She buried her head in his neck and started weeping.

In a heartbeat he told her, but Felicity was pretty sure it had been less than that.

* * *

She was clinging to him. There were no other words for it. One of her hands curled into to the back of his shirt and the other one on the side of his neck and it was so tight that he, for a split second, feared she might cut off his air supply.

Barry felt useless, stroking her hair, offering whatever words of comfort he could come up with. He told her that she’d be okay, that they’d figure it out, with or without Oliver. It didn't do much, his words were of no help, but it was the only thing he could do.

Another wave of hopelessness washed over him. Felicity kept repeating his name, as she sobbed into Barry's chest and all he could do was tell her lies.

* * *

  
He only left her side that night to call his friends in Central City and explain his absence. He tried telling them he'd be back as soon as possible, that he planned on staying with her for only a couple of days, but Caitlin interrupted him before he even had the chance to.  
  
''Felicity’s a friend and she needs you right now,'' she said, determined, ''stay with her, and we'll call if we need anything.’’

Barry closed his eyes. They didn't talk much, or at all, about their families, he couldn't recall ever seeing them around other people so he always assumed that in the aftermath of the explosion they leaned on the other for support, because that was all they had. It made sense they’d tell him to stay. They, not least of all Caitlin, understood what Felicity was going through right now.

’’What about Doct--’’  
  
’’He’ll understand,’’ she insisted.  
  
’’Yeah, don’t worry, dude. We've got it covered.’’ Cisco added and that was all it took for Barry to give in. He thanked them, a few hundred times over, and promised that he’d keep them updated. When he opened the bedroom door, Felicity looked up from where she was sitting at the kitchen table.  
  
''Everything alright in Central City?''  
  
''Yeah, it seems I'm not needed at the moment.''  
  
’’That’s good,’’ she said, nodding.  
  
He stood there for a minute, studying her, searching her face for the things she wouldn't say. She sat with her shoulder hunched over and she was pale, her eyes swollen, red and devoid of it's usual life and light. The food he’d prepared for her still remained untouched on the plate in front of her.  
  
''You're not hungry?'' Barry asked. She shook her head, and he couldn't say he blamed her. He remembered Joe having to practically force feed him for weeks, even months, after his mother's death. It wasn't some protest, not his way of acting up, like all his teachers and counselors had said. His mother was dead and he had simply lost his appetite. So Barry didn’t say anything about it. Instead he grabbed the plate, wrapped it for later and poured her a glass of water before walking over to the table. He sat down next to her, handing her the glass, trying to ignore the way her hands were shaking as she took a sip.  
  
’’Do you wanna talk about it?’’ he whispered.  
  
’’No.’’

’’Okay.’’  
  
’’I just want to sit here.’’  
  
’’Okay.’’

* * *

Later that night Barry asked her if she wanted him to stay and Felicity said yes. Initially, she felt bad for keeping him from his Central City duties, but she was tired and having him there might help her sleep through the night for once. So instead of fighting her bad conscience, she told him where he could find fresh sheets for the guest bedroom. He made up the bed without as much as a hint of hesitation and told her he'd stay for as long as she liked.  
  
’’Thank you,’’ she murmured, her voice hoarse and shaky, barely covering the sob that was about break out.  
  
’’Yeah, don’t mention it,’’ he replied and pulled her in for another hug.

* * *

Not even two hours later she’s forced awake, gasping for air. A scream got caught in her throat and she tugged at the sweat soaked shirt she was wearing. Ever since Malcolm had showed up at the foundry a few days ago and presented them with the sword covered in Oliver’s blood, nightmares had become a permanent fixture in her life. She hadn't gotten a full night’s sleep since.

It’s almost always a new dream with different, but equally painful, scenarios every night. In this one she was on the mountain with him, forced to watch as Ra’s repeatedly defeated him. Moments before his death, she could see as his lips formed her name one last time, calling out for her. Felicity screamed for him to hold on, to _stay alive_ , but in the end all she could do was helplessly watch as the light left his eyes and he collapsed. 

Seemingly out of nowhere, a hand grabbed her shoulder and she yelped, scrambling to get away.

’’Hey, it’s okay,’’ Barry whispered. He was sitting on the side of her bed, hands in the air, as if he was surrendering. ’’I'm sorry if I scared you. It’s just me.’’

Felicity focused on him, hoping it'll help her to compose herself. She desperately wanted to leave her dreams and nightmares behind, to forget the images that haunted her every night. But they stayed, they always did, and she was sure that this time, she would tear apart at the seams, her body give in and Felicity would dissolve into dust.

’’I--There--I--’’ She stammered and pulled at her hair, fresh tears streaming down her face. Or maybe she woke up crying? There really was no way of knowing anymore. Barry stayed on the far end of the bed, hands and arms itching to reach out for her. She wanted to tell him to go back to bed, that she was fine, but the words just wouldn't leave her mouth. Her ragged breaths and the burning pain beneath her rib cage was all there was.

''I---I can't--'' _breathe,_ she thought. She couldn't breathe.

''Hey, you're okay,'' He said, and whatever had been keeping him from touching didn't seem to be strong enough, because he grabbed her hand and carefully placed it on his chest. ''Feel that?''

She felt his heart beating, his chest moving up and down, in and out, so she nodded.  
  
''Good. Focus on my breathing. Try and mimic it.''  
  
Felicity did what she was told, desperately ignoring the pain in her lungs, willing her pulse to slow down. It was overwhelming, all of it. Barry's face etched with worry and exhaustion, the sting of pain ever time she tried to take a breath.So to force it out, she closed her eyes. Because with her eyes are closed she could still hear Oliver's voice, feel the taste of his lips on hers, his calloused hands wrapped around hers. With her eyes closed, Oliver Queen was still alive, even just for a while.

* * *

She let him tuck her in, a gesture she found oddly comforting. The last time someone had done that, she had been around ten, maybe eleven, and her mom had been on her way out to work the night shift. Felicity remembered begging her to stay, saying she couldn't fall asleep without her there. Donna Smoak, dressed in your typical Cocktail Waitress uniform, had smiled at her daughter, before spreading out the warmest, coziest blanket their tiny apartment had to offer and carefully tucking every corner in under Felicity. Just like a cocoon, she had whispered, causing Felicity to giggle.

 _’’Close your eyes, baby,’’_   her mom had said,  _’’I’ll stay until you’re asleep and I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise.’’_

This wasn’t quite a cocoon, but it was just as comforting as when was a child. So when Barry stood to leave, she tugged at his hand, pulling him to a stop.

’’Please,’’ she sniffed, ’’stay.’’

Her friend nodded mutely, got back into bed and put his head on the pillow next to hers. She scooted closer and put hers on his shoulder.

’’Of course I’ll stay.’’ He reassured her, before kissing her hair, a gesture that warmed her heart, and broke it at the same time.

She knew it was unfair, but she asked anyway. ’’Do you promise?’’

He hummed quietly.

’’I promise.’’

* * *

  
Barry didn’t allow himself to cry until he was back in Central City. He had just arrived in STAR labs and was pacing back and forth when Caitlin walked in. She stood by the door for a few minutes, sure he knew she was there and waited for him to make the first move. When she realized that was not going to happen, she marched over to him, stopping him in his tracks and she pulled him into a hug.  
  
’’I’m sorry. I know you two were friends,’’ She said, stroking the back of his neck.  
  
That was all it took. Because ’friend’ didn't quite cut it. Because despite the fact that they hadn't known each other long, despite the fact that they hadn't always been on the same page, Barry didn't lose a friend. He lost a partner. He lost someone he considered family.  
  
The tears he had been holding back ever since Felicity called him finally fell and he pulled Caitlin closer.  
  
He cried for his friends. For Diggle and Roy, who lost a partner and a mentor. He cried for Thea Queen who lost her brother and who was now the last living member of the Queen family. And he cried for Felicity who he had just spent whole nights consoling because she kept reliving losing the love of her life in her dreams.  
  
But most of all he cried for the man who, despite his faults, deserved more than what he got. The man who had done nothing but put others needs before his. The man who pushed the people he loved away in fear he would only cause them pain. The man who had sacrificed everything for a city that never gave back, before losing his life to protect it and it’s citizens.

’’It’s not fair,’’ he whispered, voice muffled against Caitlin’s shoulder.

’’I know,’’ she replied as she hugged him tighter.

* * *

  
Barry showed up at Felicity's doorstep a few nights later with a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream and a bag stocked full of his favorite movies. She seemed exhausted, dark circles under her red and swollen eyes, hair pulled up into a messy ponytail. He knew better than to comment on it though, so he just smiled.

’’I thought you were going to spend New Years in Central City?’’ She said, but opened the door for him to enter.

’’Nah. Iris is spending it with Eddie and Joe’s working. Caitlin is all wrapped up in this case and she’ll most likely drag Cisco down with her, which is no fun, so I thought I’d stay here tonight. With you. ’’

’’So what you’re saying is I’m your last available option?’’

’’Of course you’re not. Dr. Wells is, but no one really wants to ring in the new year with him.’’

She smiled, almost cautiously, like smiling was against the rules of grieving. He decided to count it as a win anyway, even if it was a small one, and walked past her towards the kitchen. He grabbed a couple of bowls from the cupboard and Felicity opened the bag to go through his selection of movies. Barry tried not to stare at her, to check for signs. Was it better? Was it worse? He noticed her nails were blank, missing the cheerful and bright colors they usually were covered in. He had been worried she wasn't eating enough, but then again it's only been a few days, so he wouldn't notice it even if that was the case.

Felicity was about halfway through when she sighed heavily and glanced up at him through her lashes.

’’Can you stop that?’’

’’Stop what?’’ He retorted, feigning innocence, but she saw right through it.

’’Looking at me like... like I’m some fragile... thing. Like I'm about to burst into pieces. Diggle and Roy do the exact same thing. I’m _fine_.’’

’’You’re right.’’ he smiled, apologetic, ’’I’m sorry.’’

Felicity nodded, lips pursed, and went back to pick a movie.

* * *

At midnight he kissed her cheek, wishing her a happy new year. She smiled at him. Again, it was small and cautious, but yeah, he would most definitely count it as a win.

* * *

Weeks later, the crooks and lowlifes of Starling City were still doing their thing, which meant it’s heroes were still in business, whether they liked it or not. Whether their friend and leader was dead or not.

The rest of the world had yet to notice The Arrow’s absence, which was partially thanks to the general public who liked to make things up, but mostly thanks to Felicity, who had been smart enough to plant stories and sightings on various forums online.

Felicity told him they all knew that one day they would have to talk about Diggle putting on the suit, doing patrol in a couple neighborhoods, because the world wide web would only cover them for so long.  But so far, no one felt comfortable enough to bring it up.

So for now they hoped that if anyone noticed Arsenal hanging around, they’d assume The Arrow was pretty close and they’d get the hell out of dodge.

Diggle called Barry one night and asked him if he could come help them take down another A.R.G.U.S bad guy gone bad-er. He said they had managed so far, but Laurel had barely had the chance to properly hit the streets, Roy was still not sure about taking lead and Diggle struggled to have both their backs. They weren't quite in over their heads, but an extra set of hands and some super speed would be much appreciated. Barry accepted without hesitation and left for Starling within minutes.

Everything worked out for them. For a rookie, Laurel knew how to kick some serious ass and Barry found her slightly, if not very, terrifying, Canary get up and all. Roy had clearly been paying attention to Oliver, because he was barking out orders over the comms like there had never been a time when he wasn't in charge. Barry did his thing, Diggle and Felicity theirs and there was only a matter of time before the guy was cuffed and on his way to their tropical island prison.

No one mentioned their fallen friend or the green suit hanging, untouched, inside it’s glass case.

* * *

He visited her as often as possible. She never actually asked him to, but the way her shoulders slumped when she opened the door and saw him and how she immediately fell into his arms for a hug, was more than enough for Barry to keep checking in.

* * *

’’He told me he loved me.’’

Barry and Felicity were in the foundry, alone. Diggle had stormed out after a particularly bad screaming match between him and Felicity about Malcolm Merlyn. Roy had gone after Diggle, hoping to calm him down.

Felicity had since long stopped blaming herself for what happened and decided while Ra’s Al Ghul might have been the man that ultimately killed Oliver, Merlyn was the mastermind and that he needed to pay for what he had done. Ever since, Diggle had tried talking her out of whatever plan she came up with, they fought, someone ran out and Roy followed. It was nothing new, Felicity reassured him. They’d be alright in the morning.

Barry glanced up at her from across the room, eyebrows raised. ’’What?’’ He asked. She was staring at the computer screen in front of her, her hands fiddling with the necklace around her neck. Something, Barry had noticed, she did when she was either nervous or her mind had wandered off to wherever it went sometimes.

’’Just before he left. He looked right at me and told me. No secret agenda, no beating around the bush, no nothing.’’  
  
’’Felicity--’’  
  
’’And the worst part is, I didn't say it back,’’ She looked up at him, eyes glistening, ’’I love him’’  
  
’’I know you do.’’

’’But he doesn't-- didn't. I didn't tell him.''  
  
Barry stood up and walked over to where she was sitting.

’’Oliver could be pretty daft sometimes. But he knew, Felicity. Of course he knew.’’

She sniffled, small smile playing on her lips. ’’Yeah?’’

’’There’s no doubt in my mind.’’

* * *

’’I just realized,’’ Felicity said, mouth full of fries. ’’I never asked you how things are going with Iris.’’

She'd been in Central City doing business for Palmer Industries and when Joe had heard, he invited her for dinner. Halfway through the meal he was called in to work and naturally Barry had insisted on going with him, just in case. Joe forced him to sit back down, reminding him that for one, he had a guest and two, Joe had been solving crimes without The Flash’s assistance for quite some time. He hugged Felicity tightly, something Joe did a lot whenever she was around, and was out the door with a promise to call if he needed their help.

Now here they were, Felicity sitting on his kitchen counter, snacking on leftovers as Barry put away dishes.

’’Not much to say, really,’’ Barry muttered and placed the last plate in the washer, before pressing start. He turned to her, smiling and Felicity smiled back. She did that a lot now a days. A smile here and there, even the occasional laugh. Things seemed better and she seemed lighter, the fire in her eyes working it’s way back. 

’’Don’t try to cute your way out of this one.’’  
  
’’Cute my way out?’’  
  
’’Yeah, you do that thing where you smile and your eyes sort of squint and then there’s the head tilt and--’’  
  
’’I don’t do any of those things,’’ he protested.  
  
’’You do, but that’s not important right now. What’s going on?’’ She said and threw a french fry at him. It got stuck in his hair and he sighed.  
  
’’Well,'' he drawled, dragging it out, ''I finally told her.’’  
  
Felicity gasped. ’’About The Flash?’’  
  
’’No, not about me being The Flash. About... you know. My feelings.’’  
  
There was no gasp, but her mouth opened wide and he had to refrain from reaching over and shutting it for her.  
  
’’Are you... what did she say?!’’  
  
’’Nothing. I got out of there pretty quick.’’  
  
’’When did you tell her?’’  
  
’’Just before Christmas.’’  
  
’’You mean.. after Eddie had just asked her to move in with him?’’  
  
’’Yup.’’  
  
’’Wow.’’  
  
’’Yeah, not the best timing.’’  
  
’’No kidding.’’  
  
’’Thanks for the support.’’  
  
’’Anytime.’’  
  
They both laughed and he chucked the french fry back at her. She managed to dodge it. He groaned and pulled a hand over his face.  
  
’’I really screwed up,’’ he said, his voice rough.  
  
She tilted her head slightly, giving him a sad smile. ’’What makes you say that?  
  
’’We haven’t... talked. I mean, we spend time together, but it’s not like before. And whenever she thinks I’m not paying attention, there’s this look on her face, like she wants me to take it back. I don’t know... what to do.’’  
  
Felicity hummed, jumping off the counter and walking straight into his embrace. He circled his arms around her waist, his chin resting on the top of her head.  
  
’’Do you want my advice?’’  
  
’’Even if I were say no, you would give it to me anyway,’’ he muttered, making her chuckle.   
  
’’I don't think she wants you to take it back. She expects you to.’'  
  
Barry frowned. ’’ Expects me to?’’  
  
’’Yeah.’’  
  
’’But--?’’  
  
’’Look, for her, this came out of nowhere. She probably never imagined that you of all people could ever feel this way for her. She expects you to take it back because if you don't, it changes everything. She still wants you in her life, but she’s terrified this will rob her of her best friend.’’

Felicity looked up at him.  

"So my advice for you is; don't wait for things to go back to normal, cause they won’t. Even with this hanging over your head, deal with it. It's worth it. Believe me, I know. ''

’’Thanks, Felicity,’' he said and smiled, He liked this version of them. The one where they did the dishes, cooked and talked. About normal things, too, not related to super assassins and super villains with boomerangs or the ability to control people’s emotions. Just the two of them, movies and chores. 

Felicity seemed to be thinking the same, because she leaned up and kissed his cheek.

’’Don’t mention it.’’

* * *

Barry realized he was in trouble when he was about to get into Felicity’s car but she locked the doors and sped off without him. He knew he was pretty much screwed when he had been standing outside the foundry for a good thirty minutes and Felicity had yet to show up.

He tried to occupy himself by taking a few runs around the block, to maybe find a way into the club that didn't require a key or alarm code. When that didn't work out, he was off to locate a shop or restaurant of some kind. He quickly realized that his wallet was in his jacket and his jacket was with Felicity, so he ran back to Verdant, where he decided to wait by the door in the back alley.

Another twenty minutes went by before she finally pulled up and parked her car. ’’Finally!’’ He shouted once she was out and slamming the door shut. ’’I’m freezing.’’

’’Yeah, well, that’s your own damn fault,’’ she said and marched up to the door without giving him as much as a second glance. Barry faltered slightly at the tone of her voice.

’’You’re still angry?’’ He asked, but Felicity didn't respond as she pinned the code to the door in. He really ought to memorize it. That would have made this whole situation a lot easier, Barry thought to himself, and followed her into the foundry. She grabbed her tablet, stormed past him and up the stairs. He went after her, because what else could he do at this point?

’’There are only so many times I can say I’m sorry,’’ he called out after her.  

’’I’m not angry, Barry,’’ she all but hissed at him.

’’Really?’’

’’Really.’’

’’You seem pretty angry.’’ He said, doubtful.

She stopped walking and turned around, eyes blazing. ’’That’s cause I am, you stupid--'' Her mouth was open, but no words seemed appropriate for the situation so she slapped him on the arm instead. ''You know, for someone with superpowers--’’

’’Technically, it’s only super spee--’’  He started, but Felicity narrowed her eyes at him, causing Barry to take a step back. ’’Which is so not the point,’’ he finished quickly and she huffed in annoyance, before entering yet another code in at the keypad. She threw him a look over her shoulder. ’’I’m just gonna check if Thea’s around.’’

She opened the door and was about to walk away when he grabbed her hand and pulled her back towards him, practically forcing her to meet his gaze.

’’Look,’’ He said. ’’I had a bad day, mostly thanks to work. You had a bad day, mostly thanks to me. How about I apologize and we forget about it? I think we’re both in desperate need for a night in, movies and ice cream included.’’

Felicity glowered at him, but only for a half a second, then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. ’’You’re right. I'm sorry.'’

’’And I’m sorry about the phone.’’

’’I know. It’s not even that, really,'’ She sighed, shaking her head.

’’So you’re not mad?’’ He asked and Felicity reached over to gently pat his arm where she slapped him earlier. ’’Like I could stay mad you. But you do owe me a new phone.’’

’’Deal,’’ Barry chuckled. She opened the door leading to the club yet again and this time he didn't stop her.

’’I still need to check on Thea, though. I didn't say that just to annoy you.’’

Deciding not to push his luck any further, he kept quiet and followed her through the bar to find Thea. But they didn't get very far before she stopped dead in her tracks, causing Barry to walk straight into her. She gasped, both her tablet and purse slipping out of her grasp. He was about to ask what was wrong when he saw it. On the stairs, leading up to the second floor of the club, there was a man. His clothes were tattered, his hair overgrown and dirty and it took Barry a second, but if he looked past the disheveled hair and beard and the fact that he should be dead, there was no question about it.

The man was Oliver Queen.

At the sight of his friend - _their friend_ \- sitting in the middle of Verdant, alive, he grabbed the side of the bar to steady himself. Felicity goes for his hand. The sound of her things hitting the floor caused the man looked up from where he was sitting and his eyes lit up with recognition.

"Felicity," Oliver breathed, almost like he’d been holding it in for days, or even weeks, and the sight of her made it possible for him to finally breathe. The sound of it felt almost like a punch to Barry’s gut.

’’Oliver?’’ Felicity managed to squeeze out. ’’How are you here?’’ She whimpered, her voice high pitched, almost broken, not unlike the night she had called him with the news of Oliver’s death. His grip on her hand tightened.

’’It’s a long story and I... I--’’ Oliver shook his head and closed his eyes. ’’I just-- I needed to see you.’’

Barry wasn't sure how it happened, but one second she had been holding his hand and the next she was by the staircase, her arms around Oliver’s neck. He wanted to call out, tell her to be careful, but the way the other man circled his arms around Felicity’s waist and pulled her close was enough for Barry to shut his mouth.

’’You’re-- you’re so cold. I’ll-- Barry, could you-’’

He ran off and was back with a blanket before she could finish the sentence. ’’Thanks,’’ she said and threw it around Oliver’s shoulders, clearly so unfazed by his speed it almost made Barry smile.

’’This isn’t a dream? You’re really here?’’ She said, her hands cradling Oliver’s face. Her voice was voice thick with tears and Barry had to fight the urge to reach out and comfort her.

’’Yes.’’

’’He said you died.’’

’’I’m here now.’’

Barry stood there for a second, staring at his friends. He felt like an intruder, like this was their moment and him being there was an invasion of their privacy. So he volunteered to call Diggle and moved to make a quick and quiet exit. Neither Felicity nor Oliver spared him a second glance.

* * *

They spent the night sharing stories. Oliver told them about the duel, about waking up, half dead on the mountain, about being carried through the snow and about being in and out of consciousness for weeks, fighting to get back to them. What he could remember, he told them.

Diggle, Roy and Felicity helped him get caught up on the Starling City latest, leaving some, or perhaps most, details out. If Oliver noticed the loaded looks and silent conversations they shared throughout the night, he didn’t say anything.

When most was said and done and Oliver had, against all odds, fallen asleep, Barry decided to head out. He stood to leave, but Felicity grabbed his hand. They were the only two awake in the foundry. Diggle had gone out to get them some food and Roy was fast asleep in one of the chairs, hood of his red sweatshirt pulled over his face. Felicity had found her seat on top of one of the desks facing Oliver’s bed.

’’Hey,’’ she said, squeezing his hand, ’’thank you.’’

She said it and Barry knew she wasn't only talking about that night. She was talking about all the late night phone calls, the nightmares, the dinners, the movies, the countless of hours she had spent crying on his shoulder.

As if he would have done anything less.

’’Don’t mention it.’’

Felicity smiled, ’’that’s sorta turning into our thing. Like in that movie we saw.’’

’’What? ’Don’t mention it’?’

She nodded and Barry laughed, shaking his head slightly. ’’Yeah...’’ He trailed off. ’’I was going to head out.’’

She frowned at him. ’’Is everything okay in Central City?’’

’’Yeah, it’s fine. I mean, they haven’t called.’’

’’Then why are you leaving?’’

He shrugged, ’’I thought I’d give you guys some space.’’

Felicity looked away from him, back to Oliver. He looked so peaceful where he was resting. Peaceful was not an adjective Barry thought he would ever use to describe Oliver Queen, but that’s what it was. He seemed at ease, relaxed and _peaceful_.

’’You know,’’ Felicity began, breaking their silence. ’’I never really gave up.’’

Barry frowned, and looked over at her. She was smiling, almost proudly. ’’I always kept looking for him. Any trace of him, really.’’

’’What?’’ He asked, voice full of disbelief.

’’Yeah. I didn't want to tell you because... I don’t know. I didn't tell Diggle or Roy either. They might have suspected it, but we never talked about it.’’

She shook her head at him, before turning her attention back to Oliver once again. ’’Something just felt... off. I dismissed it as some twisted version of hope in the beginning. It was too... fresh, for me, to even consider the possibility. But I think a small part of me knew it was more than that.’’

’’I wanted to be as strong as I remembered my mom being after dad left. She never cried, she worked her butt off to provide for me and she never complained. So, I went to work every day, I came here every night and I kept looking for him. I didn't slow down. Except for every dead end, he was one step closer to actually being dead. Which why I was so upset earlier today, by the way.’’ She almost laughed, their squabble from before almost forgotten. It seemed so small, so trivial, looking back.

’’I had been set on dealing with it by myself, of doing it all on my own, but eventually I felt like the weight of it all was going to break me in half and I called you.’’ She glanced up at him. ’’I wouldn't have made it through without you.’’

’’Sure you would have,'’ Barry said. ’’I’m just glad you didn't have to.’’

Felicity grinned. ’’Yeah, well, what I’m trying to say is... you don’t have to leave. You’re part of this team. You always have been. Especially after the last few weeks.’’

Barry opened his mouth to respond when Diggle came jogging down the stairs, two bags of Big Belly Burger in his hands.

’’Finally,’’ Felicity groaned happily and jumped off the desk, reaching over to shake a grumpy Roy awake.

’’Sorry it took so long, I had trouble finding a place that was open,’’ Diggle said, handing over the bags. ’’Big Belly Burger will have to do.’’

’’I heard they had a case of food poisoning the other week,’’ Roy muttered, but started rummaging through the bags of food regardless.

’’I’ll take that chance,’’ Felicity sighed happily and Diggle snorted. He looked up and nodded his head at Barry. ’’You staying?’’

Felicity turned around and looked at him, eyes hopeful. Barry had thought about leaving to give them space, give them a chance to regroup, figure out what’s next. Which, looking back, seemed pretty stupid. He’d thought they’d want to do that together, as a team, like he wasn't part of it. So, _screw it_ , he thought to himself and sped over to to grab the biggest burger he could see.

’’Well, as long as there’s food I guess I’ll stay.’’ He looked over at Felicity, who was staring right back at him, eyes warm and a brilliant smile on her face. He handed her the burger, making her laugh.

’’You know me so well,’’ she said, ’’thanks.’’

’’Yeah. Don’t mention it.’’

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Like I said, any feedback is much appreciated!


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